Category: Random Weirdness (page 1 of 4)

The Problem with Fifty Shades and other Sex Movies – NSFW

I wrote this when the first Shade movie came out, but it still applies today.

Simply put: not enough full-frontal male nudity. (Hey, I’m Trashy. What did you expect?) When I asked my friend Paula if there was a lot of naked in the movie, her answer indicated the R rating was mostly one-sided. “Gah….so frustrating! Saw a flash of his penis in one scene, but a lot of his backside. Every nude scene of her was a totally naked scene, even showing her pubic hair.”

Update: Does Fifty Shades Darker go where few movie men have gone before?

How disappointing is that? Nudity in movies and TV should be equal opportunity for all. Women have been stripping for the camera for years. Why can’t men do the same? It’s unfair to female movie goers that we don’t get to see as many balls onscreen as men get to see boobs.

wheres-the-beefThat’s what I’d like to know.

What good are R ratings with warnings about graphic nudity and strong sexual content if only half the audience is satisfied? And don’t even get me started with misleading titles like The Full Monty. Magic Mike? Plenty of bare ass but no joystick. We can only hope Magic Mike XXL will have the balls to blaze new ground for male naked.


Maybe if we boycott sex movies like this writer Hollywood will pay attention and give male nudity fair representation. In the meantime, enjoy this man butt gallery.

Adam Rodriguez, Magic Mike

Adam Rodriguez, Magic Mike

Chris Hemsworth, Rush

Paul Walker and Steve Zahn, Joy Ride

Paul Walker and Steve Zahn, Joy Ride

The Full Monty

The Full Monty

Disclaimer: this post was written in the tongue-in-cheek font. If you know of any movies with full-frontal male nudity, post the title in the comments. I need to do more research. 😉

Special thanks to the ladies of Trashy’s Happy Place for helping me with this post.

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Apparently I do have a fetish

Warning: the following post is totally self-indulgent fluff. But I enjoyed it. Stick around for the pictures. 😉

Dictionaries can be so enlightening. See, I thought the word fetish meant something you (me) needed to achieve sexual gratification. If that was the case, I’d be a very unhappy woman. 😉 So instead of calling my, er, interest in men with long hair a fetish, I downgraded it to a mere fascination. But I decided to look fetish up on and learned something. (The comments in italics are mine.)

fet·ish – noun

1. an object regarded with awe as being the embodiment or habitation of a potent spirit or as having magical potency. (Potency? Yes. Magical? Not so much. I’m safe.)

2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades. (Nope. Not me either. Whew.)

3. Psychology: any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation. (Well shit.)

Habitual erotic response. Guilty. How many times have I taken a second look at masculine locks flirting with broad shoulders? Every time. How many times has said fixation led to an erotic response? All of them.

Fixation. I looked that word up too: a preoccupation with one subject, issue, etc.; obsession. Obsession. Bingo! I know that subject well. Let me share it with you.

long hair collageI could go on….

And let’s not forget the guy who is far from my first fixation, but definitely the most enduring.

Eliot Spencer messed up hair4I have over 5000 pics of him now. Habitual erotic response or fixation. Um… yeah, I think that qualifies as a fetish. Trashy learned a new word. How is that going to show up in my writing? Hehehe.

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What’s scarier than Halloween?

My mom visiting for a week. Dun dun daaaa!

I love my mom, but it’s hard to live with her. She’s an uptight, right-wing, no-sense-of-humor, prude who’s not afraid to let people (specifically, me) know she doesn’t approve. Last year her visit coincided with the presidential election. She and I watched the returns together. Wow, was that ever tense. Hubs and I had to report the results to each other behind her back.

This year, I have to move the box of my trashy books out of the guest bedroom closet, and make sure I mail my Halloween giveaway prize before I go pick her up at the airport. Why? Because she’ll ask questions. What’s in the package? Who is it for? How did you meet her? (Assuming the winner will be a woman because most of my readers are.) I hate lying, and I can’t tell her it’s none of her business. That would only lead to more questions.

I’m a very private person. My real name is quite common all over the world. If you Google it, you’ll think I’m a German female body builder. And yet I use a pen name to protect my identity. I never use my husband or my daughter’s names (although I occasionally post pics of my daughter because she’s so freaking cute), and the city listed on my Facebook profile is not the one I live in. So opening my secret-filled home to a person who wants to know all the details of my double life, and will scowl with righteous condemnation if she finds out, scares the bejeezus out of me. (And then she’ll spend the rest of the week trying to scare Jesus back into me.) Sigh.

So I’ll put on my good daughter costume and play along. Amelia will be restrained (and not in a good way), and poor Trashy will have to keep a lid on it. (How many people am I?) Is it any wonder I write escapist fiction? Fortunately my daughter will happily handle the entertaining duties. I’ll play chauffeur and drop hints about what we want for Christmas.

But as soon as I drop Mom off at the airport, Trashy’s gonna get loose, and she/we will have a lot of repressed fun to make up for.

As I was writing this post, this quote showed up on Facebook: The best life for a writer is the life which helps him write the best books he can.― Julian Barnes, (Flaubert’s Parrot)

My life and my writing are all about escape. But that’s a subject for another blog. 😉

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Trashy’s Top Ten Sexy Halloween Costumes

There are only 31 shopping days until Halloween, so I decided to make this helpful list of my favorite costumes to make your party planning easier. You can thank me later. 😉

1. Hottie Scottie – no, it does not come with boxers, boxer briefs, or tighty-whities.

Hot scot

What? You were expecting women’s costumes? Oh hell no. I’m Trashy. I’m all about the men!

2. Badass Biker – 50 Shades of… nope. Not going there.


3. Fireman – I may be motivated to commit arson.


4. Cop – I hope he does strip searches.


5. Top Gun flight suit – do Maverick and Iceman come with this?

Top Gun

6.Spartan – put Gerard Butler in that and I’m good to go.


7. Tight End – ’nuff said.

tight end

8. Camo – and then reenact Magic Mike.


9. Boxer – Everlast. Heh. 😉


Now I just gotta find a guy who looks like that in it. 😉

And one for the boys.

10. Princess Leia – my husband’s fave since 8th grade.

princess leiaHappy shopping!

Disclaimer: I found all of these costume pictures at I am not an affiliate, and I am not advertising for them. I just wanted to credit the source.

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How to Reignite a Romance Writer (and a Marriage) in 5 Easy Steps

After 20+ years of marriage, even a trashy writer’s relationship can get a little tense. Bickering had become our favorite pastime, and we spent more time apart than together. I thought we needed therapy, but putting the spark back in our lives turned out to be easier than I expected.

English: New Orleans, LA, 03-2-06 -- The Carni...

Step 1: Plan a vacation. A real vacation. Visiting family does not count. Last spring Hubs booked a cruise just for the two of us. This was around the time Carnival had all that trouble with their ships. I thought he was nuts, but rates were cheap and Hubs couldn’t pass up a good deal.

Step 2: Leave the kids with grandma and grandpa. They were only too happy to watch Energizer Girl for a week. Her aunt and cousins live right down the street so she had entertainment galore. We were a little afraid she wouldn’t miss us.

Step 3: Get off the grid. We could’ve paid $$ for phone service and internet access on the ship, but we decided to go without. We honestly didn’t miss it much. Getting unplugged gave us time to relax in the hot tub on the adults only deck, enjoy adult show at the comedy club, drink too much, and get naked on our stateroom balcony. Which leads to step four.

Step 4: Fuck like honeymooners. Don’t just have sex–get laid. This started in the hotel room the night before we got on the ship and didn’t stop until we got back to port. Morning sex, nooners, and bedtime. Positions we hadn’t tried in 20 years (and then remembered why). Orgasms worthy of my books. 😉

Step 5: Don’t let the honeymoon end when you get home. Oh we still bicker, but we’re making up faster, laughing more, and groping every chance we get. Hey, that’s the most efficient way to get some when you have a three-year-old who’s mastered doorknobs running around the house. And I’m writing a new book. That’s a permanent vacation for me. 😀

Bonus Tip: If you book a cruise, make sure you read the dress code right. Shoes with wheels—not heels—are forbidden on the ship. (Thanks to Hubs’ speed reading, I left my CFM shoes at home, dammit.)

Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert. I am a fiction writer. This is just me recapping my vacation without sounding like a grade-school essay or a commercial.

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My Secret Indulgence: Watching my Man Crush Make Out

I have dozens of man crushes. The first bad boy I fell in love with was Han Solo. That scruffy-looking nerf-herder lived in my dreams while all the other girls drooled over Luke

In a memorable scene from The Empire Strikes B...

Skywalker. His kisses with Princess Leia in Empire and Jedi sparked my lusty imagination. We didn’t have a VCR at the time, so I re-read the love scenes in the movie tie-in books until the spines split. I think I even underlined a few choice words.

I love watching my object o’lust make out with a woman. A lot of women I know want to do violent things to the girl he’s fondling, but not me. I don’t hate her. I want to BE her. Ever since I discovered the joy of kissing scenes, I imagined myself in her place.

Watching my favorite guy candy handle his love interest helps me write hot sex scenes. I’m not visually oriented at all. I can’t create a picture from nothing, so I need to have a starting point, an image to work from. After that, I can feel the sensations and imagine how the sex will take place. That’s called research. (It is, too.)

Or maybe I’m a closet voyeur. Mmm… getting an image. No, I’d rather participate, and after I’ve watched him do it over and over, I can. 😉 So while my friends are plotting their competition’s murder, I’m feeling her pleasure, and filing every image of his hands in her hair, his lips on her skin for later use and abuse.

Yeah, I loved watching Sawyer slam Kate against the cage and rip her shirt off. Maverick and Charlie took my breath away in Top Gun. And when Lindsey got hands-on with Darla—with only one hand! Oh hell, I got loads of inspiration from that. So show me my fictional boyfriend getting grabby with a gorgeous babe any day of the week… as long as it’s fiction. Real life PDA can stay behind closed doors. 😉

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The Soundtrack of my Life

I’m not a die-hard music fan. I like it, but I don’t get into it like I get into my writing. But ever since the idea of a life soundtrack came out, I’ve been pondering what would go on mine. Here are a few of Trashy’s greatest hits.

5. Rattlesnake Smile – Christian Kane. I get this. A little too much. F-bomb in this one, but it’s HAWT. I love watching him sing.

4. Somethin’s Gotta Give – Christian Kane. I’ve been there many times. Disclaimer: I’m not into country music AT ALL. But this guy isn’t country; he’s badass country. 😉 (See #5) This song has a very country sound, but it’s incredibly passionate and I can relate. So I like it.

3. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC. There’s a guy in the story behind this one, but I’d get myself in huge trouble if I told you.

2. Lay Your Hands on Me – Bon Jovi. That should be obvious.

1. Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard. Once I figured out I liked this song because it made me feel dirty, a whole new world opened up. 😀

And you wonder why I’m a trashy writer. 😉

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Inside Trashy’s head

Enter at your own risk.

I’ve written about why I write sex before. It’s therapy, an escape, just for the fun of it. But as I look over my idea files and my publishing plan for the next couple of years, I realize writing sex has gone beyond dealing with my repressed upbringing. Where is it taking me? Do I want to go there?

I’ve learned that I’m pretty good at it. I’ve gotten both good and bad reviews on my books, but the one statement that’s consistent in all of them is this: Amelia James writes hot sex. (Except for a couple of reviewers who called me boring. Honey, if you think that’s boring, I don’t want to know what excites you. o_O )

Anyway, my current WIP, Their Twisted Love, is taking me places I’m not sure I want to go. Oh, I have fun when I get there, but I wonder if I should. I’ve been writing sex for so long I’ve forgotten what shocks people. A moral dilemma for one reader is a fun evening at Trashy’s house. An author I follow says: “Write stories you wouldn’t let your mother read.” Well, there’s no way in hell I’m going to let my Puritanical mom read my books, but now I’m writing things I haven’t told my seasoned romance reader mother-in-law (my biggest fan) about.

But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I’m growing as a writer and leaving my hang-ups behind so my characters can explore theirs. After all, I write fiction. It’s not all about me.

Or is it? 😉 Where do all these ideas come from? I don’t even like some of the things Talia does with Will and Alex, but she does them anyway. And she likes it. And some of the things I like might shoot that moral dilemma scale through the roof. (My readers’ scale, not mine. Mine broke a long time ago.)

So yeah, Trashy’s head is a messed-up place. I blame my mother. And Alex Sheridan. (Seriously, that morally ambiguous hottie and the sinful sex god who inspired him have corrupted me like no one else. Dammit, Sheridan!)

Wanna go there with me? 😉

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The Christmas Eve I’ll never forget…

Because my pain in the ass family won’t let me.

I don’t remember how old I was, but my belief in Santa was strong enough to send me into panic mode when my dad built a roaring fire in our fireplace. My grandparents from both sides of the family and all my aunts, uncles, and cousins came to my house for Christmas Eve every year. Mom made a ham dinner with all the trimmings, and on Christmas Day we’d have dinner with my dad’s mom and then another dinner with my mom’s mom. Yeah. We like to eat.

My dad was a carpenter and a skilled craftsman, and he’d turned our unfinished basement into an inviting family room with a brick fireplace, hand-hewn wood paneling, and a fully stocked bar, all of which he’d built himself. Our Christmas Eve gatherings were held downstairs, and after the meal, my cousins and I played upstairs by the tree while the adults got comfortable in front of the fire with their drinks. Since the fireplace was functional, we taped our stockings to the chimney upstairs until everyone went home.

But they didn’t go home. Ugh. My maternal grandmother and my uncle went to midnight Mass every year, but it started at midnight! Santa would be halfway around the world by then, and I had to be asleep before he’d fill my stocking. The fire was still burning bright. How would I hang it up? Would he find it?

I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I crept down the stairs and peeked under the railing. “Will you guys go home so Santa can come?”

Well, that got their attention.

I don’t remember what happened after that, but oddly enough I didn’t get a lump of coal in my stocking. But Every Single Year after that one of my don’t-know-when-their-welcome-has-worn-out relatives asks, “Hey Amelia, do you want us to go home now?”


Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your stockings get filled with all sorts of goodies. 😉

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Why Trashy’s world won’t end on 12/21/12

I’m sure everyone has heard about Mayan calendar prediction by now, so I’m not going to explain it. Like many rational human beings, I don’t believe the world will end on Friday, but in case you have doubts, I came up with Trashy’s Top 5 Scientific <insert sarcasm here> and Science Fiction Reasons We’ll Wake Up Smiling on 12/22/12:

5. My publishing plan is written through 2015. I have 11 more trashy books to write by then. Holy shit, seriously? What am I doing writing a goofy blog post? I have no time for an Apocalypse.

4. Star Trek Into Darkness opens on May 17, 2013. Nerdgasm! I grew up with a Trekkie and married a Trekker (geek points if you know the difference), so the new movie (or any Trek movie/series) is a big event in my house. I even have a Federation uniform—the classic red mini-dress and boots. No, I won’t be wearing it to the premier. It’s for Halloween. Really.

Addendum: According to Doctor Who 10 (David Tennant), the Earth exists until the year 5 million. (Or was it 5 billion?) Either way, the Doctor knows. He’s been there.

The Doctor will save us!

3. My bucket list still has things (and people 😉 ) on it. At the top of the list: a research trip to Scotland. When I say research, I mean… well, you know. 😉 Next: meeting my muse and buying him a beer or at least seeing him perform live just once. Actually those two things are interchangeable because one is just as unlikely as the other. Sigh.

2. The Green Bay Packers will win Super Bowl XLVII on February 3, 2013. Yes, that’s what I said. 🙂

1. We know the date. I grew up in an abnormally fundamental church obsessed with the End Times. They spent an entire year studying Revelations. My Sunday School teacher believed that Christ would return to smoke us all on New Year’s Eve because it’s such a sinful holiday. She’s been wrong 30+ times since then, but I still get a little nervous until January 1st… in Australia. But according to Scripture, no one knows the date or time, so 12/21/12 will not be the end of everything or even the beginning of the End Times. The Apocalypse is gonna catch all our asses off guard when we’re occupied with something else. (Probably during the Super Bowl. Or April 15th after I send in my check.)

Even so, I’ll spend 12/21 (this Friday!) a little jittery. My inherited Scottish superstitions and my ingrained religious lore pretty much guarantee I’ll be jumping at every suspicious noise. I’m posting this on 12/17 so you all have time to read it—just in case. 😉

Why do you wake up smiling?

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